he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
