Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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