just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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