I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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