I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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