i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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