Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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