You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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