She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
