I have demons in me.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
