Ambien. No doubt about it.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
