she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
