I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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