now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
