i permit you to call me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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