Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
