Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
