I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
