Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
