its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
