You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
