..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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