idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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