how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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