My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
