The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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