If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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