I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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