Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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