dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
