honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
