U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
