Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
