just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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