genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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