Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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