So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
