therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
