i barfeds in our rink
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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