what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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