I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
