Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
