She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
