Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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