wakey wakey hands off snakey
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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