Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
