i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
