I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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