so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
