piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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