Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
