After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
