If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dear god my vagina.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
