Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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