the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
