I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We have started to decorate penises.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
