Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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