She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
