i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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