just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
