Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Are my feet made of real feet?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
