i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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