He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
