If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
