Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
third nipple confirmed
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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