I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
