My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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