I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize