I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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