just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
