Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize