I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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