everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
