wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I want is dick and wine.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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