His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
