On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
