For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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