I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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