I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
