why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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