i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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