You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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