Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
