you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
