Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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