put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
