I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize