its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
