He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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