No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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