I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
