I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
