I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
