dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize