That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
