The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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