tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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