the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There was a lot of him and a little penis
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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