I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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