I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
