Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
