Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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