You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize