You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
