Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize