If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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