Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
