Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
