Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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